Bereavement:

Have you lost someone and you still have very strong feelings about that person perhaps a member of your family, friend or pet? Do you still feel so sad about the death of a loved one?

It’s Normal

It’s normal to feel the way we do when we are touched by death,
Be it a parent, a child, a friend or a partner most dear.
Disbelief is normal, it can’t be true, this nightmare of pain.
Shock is normal, and it will help numb the early days.
Sobbing and Crying are normal, to help clean our soul.
Physical symptoms are normal and not imagination.
Denial is normal, to act as a buffer until we can cope.
Why? Is normal and there is a reason for when we are ready.
Repetition is normal; to take in what is happening.
Reality of Death, is a shock wave that hurts, go with it,
be the reed in the storm not the oak to survive.
Confusion is normal, concentrate on grief only it will heal.
Idolise is normal, to feel the wrong one died.
Identify is normal, to make the person last that little longer.
Fear of losing control is normal, you’re not going mad, just grieving.
To bargain is normal, ‘If I am good will you give them back?’
Depression is normal, at that special time of the day, friends help.
Severe Depression is normal; tell a friend you need more help.
Laughter is normal, and it will become more.
High Expectations is normal, remember baby steps matter.
Lowered self-esteem is normal, but you are doing ok!
Preoccupation is normal, to help prepare moving on to the world.
Guilt is normal, so is to survive and your right to keep living.
“If only” is normal, but remember, there was a reason.
Anger is normal, that you have been left alone, be good angry!
Loneliness is normal, to miss the one not there.
Despair is normal, but hope is there too for you soon.
Sadness is normal, like a wave it encompasses but will lessen.
Helplessness is normal, you will cope alone.
Envy is normal, how that person live when my loved one died?
Frustration is normal; don’t be guided by time but by you.
Bitterness is normal, but to heal you need to let go and accept.
Limbo is normal, and to lie that we are fine to our friends.
Missing is normal, and you always will remember when others forget.
Pride is normal, to hide we can’t cope be true and reach out.
Suicide is normal; to feel if we die also it will stop the pain.
Remember everything you are feeling or not feeling is normal.
So to is hope that faint glimmer at the end of your grief, to move
On with your new life and know that it is worth living again.
The pain that you bare will lessen with time, the memories will
Remain with you forever tinged with small sadness.
Hope is with you now with new friends to share, it’s Normal.

Gillian Scully, Thoughtfields © 18 November 2001

This is the poem that I wrote after my husband died I wish that I had known that there were people like me to help with my grief. I still get sad at times and that is ‘Normal’ but I am able to use TFT to feel happy again remembering all the happy times that we shared.

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